Millennial Mom Advice Part 1

No matter how many kids you have- never assume you know more than another parent: unless it's a dad who hasn't detected their kid crapped themselves.

Do not feed your kid Macaroni and Cheese unless all other options are exhausted*

*The 1 exception to the above rule is Hot Dogs. Those are your last option. Once you introduce your child to these foods, there is no turning back. They now know the beauty of processed food.

Don't worry about your kid getting sick- it's inevitable.

Patient Zero for the Zombie Apocalypse will be a 2 year old at Day-Care

No matter how much of a stance you want to take against your temper tantrum throwing toddler there are 3 acceptable places to cave due to courtesy to other people: the doctor's office/hospital, on an airplane, and at the DMV.

Washing your kid's hands is for your benefit only; I have seen unspeakable things pass from the trash to the hand to the mouth...

If you want to take your child to the movies- go to one of the first showings of the day. All noise and sticky projectiles are game at this time.

Frequently watch youtube videos of how to preform child CPR. With the amount of objects that go into your child's mouth, the probability that they will not choke is not in your favor.

Just remember- your parents did this without Google, Pinterest, or Youtube- this is as easy as it gets without outsourcing.

Don't waste your money on a new toy every time you go shopping- your kid will only enjoy the box. The Best toys include pots, spatulas, toilet paper, remotes, wallets and your car keys that will get lost.

The best parenting tool (hypnosis tool) in any parent's kit bag is Frozen or Mickey Mouse Club House.